Chaos to Calm – Being present to get to calm

Following up her summer training opportunities, Amy urges us to get present. Being present allows you to feel what you feel, and then investigate what you need so you can ask for it.

Transcript:

Hi, I am Amy with Iluma Learning, and this is our third video talking about from chaos to calm. First two videos we talked about really getting in touch with how we feel about something so that we can then figure out what we need. And so that was what the second video was about. This third video is just putting it together.

So, feelings and needs. A lot of this conversation comes from a very old tool called Nonviolent Communication. If you Google it, you’ll find a million things on it. It is a terrific resource, and we teach it a lot at Iluma Learning as a way of trying to help you go deeper into conversation, build better trust and respect in your relationships so that you get real behavior change. So, the benefit of it is not just that your conversations improve. Another benefit is that it really moves you from chaos to calm inside yourself.

So a person who is aware of what they need and and how they’re feeling is really a powerful person, an empowered person. So if we want to move from being powerful and strong in business where we are tough and make it happen, and we want to move to empowered in that, nothing that happens around me can really shake me because I am aware of who I am, and I’m in control of myself, and I take responsibility for myself. These are all the good things that happen when I start to get really clear on what it is that I feel in a situation, and I can feel upset and still stay in control of myself. A very, very powerful thing and empowered thing.

And so, as we look at what we need to do to get there, a lot of it is to just really get present, be present to calming yourself down long enough. And that may take just a couple of deep breaths where you ground yourself. And so many of you have been in my classes this year. You’ll hear me say, feel your feet, right? Wiggle your toes, feel your seat, clench a little bit up and down, and feel your heartbeat, right? Like, just really get in your body for a moment. And then you can start to ask, what is it that I’m really feeling here and starting to use bigger words than I’m feeling angry or I’m feeling happy. We want to expand our vocabulary and we’ve got a resource for you with this video that gives you some feeling words to consider. And then once I know how I’m feeling and I can start to get a handle on it, then I can start to investigate what is it that I really need? If I am feeling angry, is it because I need to know that I’ve been heard and that I am, I’m respected and understood that I’m being considered? Is that what I’m angry about? And if I’m angry, am I really hurt? Right?

So these are things that we wanna start investigating. And powerful people do these things. And so getting in touch with what I feel, really getting in touch with what I need, and then learning to ask for it. These are ways that we move from chaos to calm, all while accepting the reality of how things are. People don’t change overnight. You are not going to change overnight. Neither am I, I’m reminded of it regularly at home that I don’t change easily. And so when we start thinking about what is it that we really want to achieve at work, we want peace, we want harmony, and we want productivity. And the only real way to do it is to get out of the way of our ego and start really paying attention to what’s going on inside, all inside.

So feel your feet, feel your seat. Start to think about what it is that I really am feeling in this moment, and then start to just investigate what is it that I need, and then ask for it. These are powerful tools and I love teaching this stuff. My God, I live for it. I love this. So as I am enjoying my surroundings here, it looks like I’m, I’m in a prison of wood. This is Coyote Fencing here in Santa Fe and it’s behind my office here. As we start to wind down looking at winter where we’re going to really spend some time just reading, learning, and becoming better versions of ourselves. That’s what I’m excited about and I’m excited that you come along with me for the ride. And so have a terrific week and I’ll see you next video.